recipes

These are absolutely dirt simple recipes for absolute nincompoops. Don't @ me.

brats

  1. heat pan medium high add oil or Pam
  2. sear brats 3 mins each side
  3. flip again, drop heat to medium low, cover for 5 mins
  4. flip again, 2-3 mins
  5. internal temp s/b 160
  6. eat brats

corn

  1. boil water
  2. boil corn 6 mins
  3. eat corn

rice

two cups water per one cup rice
ex, 3 water 1.5 rice

orzo

ingredients

  • 2 Tablespoons Salted Butter
  • 1 1/3 cups Orzo
  • 2 tsp minced garlic
  • 3 cups Chicken Broth
  • 1/2 cup Parmesan Cheese (good-quality)
  • 1/4 cup Heavy Cream
  • 1 teaspoon Fresh Lemon Zest
  • 2 Tablespoons Fresh Lemon Juice (add more for more lemon flavor)
  • 2 Tablespoons Fresh Basil (chopped)

  • Salt and Pepper (to taste)

  • heavy-bottomed saucepan

    • the child of a pot and pan
    • it's a deep pan
    • it is NOT a pot dammit
  • lid

directions

  1. Heat a heavy-bottomed saucepan over medium-high heat and add butter. Melt until melted
  2. Add orzo, toast for 2 minutes
  3. Add garlic, chicken broth and reduce the heat to medium-low and cover. Cook for 8-10 minutes or until the orzo is tender (this may take longer depending on the size of the orzo) and most of the chicken broth has been absorbed.
  4. Remove from the heat and add parmesan cheese until it is melted. Stir in heavy cream, fresh lemon zest, lemon juice, and basil. Taste for seasonings and add salt and pepper as needed. -optional-
  5. For extra creaminess, stir in some salted butter right before serving and sprinkle parmesan cheese on top of the orzo. For extra lemon flavor, garnish with lemon zest.

air fryer salmon

  • Serving size: 4 servings
  • Prep time: 2 mins
  • Cook time: 8 mins

ingredients

  • 4 6-ounce salmon fillets
  • 1 tablespoon olive oil
  • 1 teaspoon garlic powder
  • Magic Fish Seasoning to taste
  • Lemon juice to taste

directions

  1. Preheat the air fryer to 400°F.
  2. Rub each fillet with olive oil and season with garlic powder, paprika, salt and pepper. Place the salmon in the air fryer and air fry for 7-9 minutes, depending on this thickness of the salmon. Please note, time may vary between air fryers.
  3. Open basket and check for desired doneness with a fork. You can return the salmon for another 1 or 2 minutes as necessary.

stove-top bacon

ingredients

  • bacon
  • frying pan
    • try using that big flat guy
    • update: do not use that big flat guy
  • two tongs (one for raw, one for cooked)
  • butter knife for additional manipulation
  • paper towel plate
  • raw bacon plate
  • the nameless one for timers

directions

  1. preheat a large nonstick skillet over medium/high heat (just below 4 on the power burner)
  2. pre-separate the batch of strips for easier placement
  3. place 5-6 non-overlapping pieces of bacon in your pan, cook 4 mins
  4. flip, 3 mins
  5. place on paper towel plate, rest 5 mins
  6. repeat as needed

parchment paper bacon

ingredients

  • parchment paper
  • baking sheet

directions

  1. preheat oven to 400
  2. line baking sheet with parchment paper
  3. cook
    • ?? mins for regular bacon
    • 20 mins for thick cut bacon
  4. martha stewart method says to rotate the pan halfway thru
  5. extract to paper towel plate

waffles

  1. mix the mix per the box
    1. 3 cups waffle mix, 2 cups water makes 4 waffles... probably
  2. preheat waffle marker
    • green light turns on when done
  3. place drip tray underneath
  4. pour ~1.75 cups into the waffle maker
  5. close, wait 10 seconds, then rotate
  6. repeat previous two steps for side b
  7. set timer for 4 minutes
  8. remove waffles with a plastic implement
  9. butter and syrup to taste
  10. if making more than one batch, unplug and replug the waffle maker
    1. otherwise it will time out during the second batch
  11. wipe out the crumbs from the waffle burner

misc shit

  • https://www.americastestkitchen.com/articles/6057-these-air-fryer-french-fries-are-just-as-good-as-deep-fried
  • try a simple potroast
Last update: December 24, 2025